The Sap's Running
and one thing to avoid if you marry a farmer
This time of year, my husband Chip and I are like two ships passing in the night. We meet up at the port (sugarhouse) to transfer our children back and forth to one another, and I try to pepper in a free evening for him here and there so he can do things like make maple candy bunnies and prepare the RO (reverse osmosis machine) for boiling sap on the weekend.
Last night, Chip and I did our late evening check-in regarding the following day, otherwise known as today.
“I gotta meet the guys at six to move that shed,” he said.
“Meet them at six?! A.M.?!” I said. “Seriously? I told the aunties I’d be there with the boys in time to open. I thought you’d help me get everyone out of bed.”
He pondered. I watched him frown until he came up with a solution. “I have to come back to town to get donuts for seven o’ clock,” he said. “I’ll swing by and grab a few boys then.”
As I brushed my teeth, I thought back to the first days when Chip and I were dating. He would go to bed early, I’d stay up late and drink white wine alone and watch Netflix, and he’d give me a kiss goodbye when his alarm went off at an obscene time like 4:30 a.m. Then I’d roll over and go back to sleep. It wasn’t until I got sober in 2020 that I was fully able to enjoy the transcendental experience of the early morning, of a splendid sunrise, day after day after day after day after day. But lately I’ve had trouble getting my ass out of bed again. It wasn’t the boys I had to worry about, it was me. And then it hit me.
“Oh my God,” I said to Chip as we turned out the lights. “I just realized why I haven’t been able to get out of bed. I’ve still been taking one milligram of melatonin on top of my progesterone. I think this is why I feel drugged in the morning!”
But could that be true? It’s only one milligram of melatonin; how much could that really affect a person?
Cut to: this morning, my first melatonin-free morning in months (years). When Chip brought a steaming hot cup of coffee to my bedside at 5:30 a.m. this morning, I opened my eyes and thought, I just might be able to do it. I can get out of bed! I had been double dipping, double drugging my progesterone and melatonin! (Shocker.)
There should be a warning on the label of all bottles of melatonin: do not take if you’re married to a farmer.
May this Substack find you cozy in bed on this Saturday. Here are a few things to entertain you as your melatonin wears off. And don’t forget, if you’re out of bed before 2 p.m. and live in my area, I’ll be ready to help serve you pancakes and fresh maple syrup for three more weekends.
This one is a reminder that I could still be on Wheel of Fortune.
This one has a fantastic checklist given to me by our former couples counselor. Read this to make sure you’re not the one overloaded with invisible work.
This one is full of ways to get inspired for your weekend if you don’t have to be up at 5:30 a.m. and put in a full day’s work at the sugarhouse.
This one is about an epic ice fishing excursion as we bid farewell to winter. (!!!)
And here’s one from my hero, Samantha Irby, breaking down the latest episode of Judge Mathis.
Thanks for reading.
XO
Alissa